Mother's Day Gifts that Make Moms Feel Seen
A few weeks ago Capital One hired me to write a blog post for this upcoming Mother's Day. I had full creative control over what it would be about. And as I sat down to write this post, 9 loads of laundry lay on my couch unfolded, my cat is suffering from paralyzation and bladder incontinence due to being hit by a car, and you can't even see the top of my kitchen table.
But my kids are at school and this is my designated “work” time so write I must! These are the words that flowed from soul.
Sometimes motherhood feels like living under Harry Potters Invisibility Cloak.
In fact, recent studies show that moms from all walks of life describe being a mom as feeling unacknowledged and unseen. 😔 In case you are like me 2 years ago and don’t know what “feeling seen” means, feeling seen is a state in which a part (or parts) of our identity, emotions, needs, and/or physical presence get fully recognized through various means—such as representation, validation, support, and/or inclusion.
It’s when you feel recognized and accepted for who you are by another person. So much so, that it almost feels like the other person is a kindred spirit, as if they understand completely what you are going through with little to no explanation. Moments where you “feel seen” are the moments that remind you that you are not alone.
Apparently, feeling seen by others is a basic human need (source). And while this may be true, I’m not sure anyone needs that more than mothers.
Why do we feel so invisible? Because of ALL the things that we carry.
To be a mom in 2023 literally means feeling constantly overwhelmed and underprepared. The mental load of motherhood is honestly unbearable. By mental load I mean the invisible tasks and labors that relate to family management. It isn’t just the physical work that must be done, its the thinking part, and the part where you ensure that the job gets done well. We don’t just do the things we prepare, organize, and anticipate all the emotional and practical needs of everyone so that life can flow more easily. Things like:
Life management: schooling, homework, tutoring, forms, academic, athletic and social schedules, playdates, activities, camps, birthdays, health care, appointments, child and family travel, holidays, vacations, weekend planning, scheduling, grocery shopping (remembering everyone’s faves) cooking, cleaning, laundry, house repair, date night planning (if still applicable).
Provide primary connection and emotional glue for all members of family: knowing names and details of who’s who in the children’s lives, who’s being mean and nice, the latest crush, who got the lead in the play, when the next math quiz happens, who needs a tube of glitter for tomorrow’s science project, and all the other infinite events that go on in everyone’s day to day life.
Serve as that person who makes everyone (else) feel appreciated, seen and known.
in addition to everything just mentioned (and the infinite things not mentioned), moms usually work full- or part-time jobs outside the universe that is the home (where children believe moms begin and end).
And finally, in their “free” time, most moms are picking up stuff, putting out fires, answering cries for help, and responding to the unending stream of needs that is the essence of modern mom-hood—all set to the soundtrack of “can you ... would you ... will you ..."
And, we do all this for people who have zero grasp of the magnitude of our presence in their lives, and therefore, have virtually no gratitude.
And while you may think dad’s endure the same, you’re wrong. Sure, the hidden work might be hard to measure since its performed internally, but studies show, this is a phenomenon specific to mothers (source 1, source 2, source 3). Some studies even proving how in the society where we live, a woman’s home is literally linked to her worth (source).
And that is why being a mom is the most all-inclusive and demanding job EVER.
We live in an environment where we consistently feel unheard, unrecognized, ignored, and invisible for extended periods of time. And worse, if we dare to acknowledge that we want or need these things, it is seen as self-serving, inappropriate, and even shameful.
The problem is… any job or relationship that leaves you feeling like that isn’t sustainable. At least not without emotional spirals, anxiety, depression, challenging thoughts, low self-esteem, and resentment in our relationships. Want to know what happens if you live unseen for too long? You start to believe that you don’t matter.
Sure, once in a while the world throws out a massive thank you with a holiday like Mother’s Day. But lets face it— even the sweetest and most well intentioned acts of kindness come with something moms have to deal with later. For example, a lovely breakfast in bed, but a messy kitchen to deal with when we wake up.
Truth is, most of us have lost hope of ever being seen. So we just continue to fold socks, chauffeur kids back and forth to practice, cook dinners that they turn their noses up at, and put them first — sometimes to our own detriment.
So, this mother’s day, I’m proposing something a little different.
the ultimate gift
This Mother’s Day I’m calling on all partners and coparents to not just see moms but help moms. I want you to carve out time and space to ponder, reflect, and notice us. Sit back and think about the magnitude of things we deal with on a daily basis. What are the things she lays awake at night worrying about? Take the time to literally name one-by-one all those invisible things she does, anticipates, organizes, and completes.
Once you have that list, I don’t want want you to just be grateful for these things. I want you to help her carry it. I want you to ask moms how you can help redistribute the load.
Truthfully, redistributing the mental load of motherhood is the gift that some moms may not even know that they need. But trust me, they need it.
This Mother’s Day, pair the following conversation starter with any of the gifts below for a happy-tear filled day.
“But it’s time for this to stop. I want to make you feel seen and appreciated not just this Mother’s Day but every single day. I want us to sit down and figure out how we can best redistribute the mental load you’ve been carrying. I reccognize that the way we are currently living isn’t sustainable. Its not healthy for you, me, the kids, or our relationship. You deserve better. You deserve to feel seen, cared for, loved, and supported. Which I know is best demonstrated through my behavior, not words.”
I want you you to sit down together, show her the list you created, thank her for all she does, and then INVITE HER TO ADD TO IT.
After she is done writing down all the things she’s carrying, I want you to take ownership of half. Literally write out whose name is going next to what task. And bear in mind, owning includes not just doing, but also the cognitive and emotional labor that each task requires—the forethought, planning, remembering when, where, and how to get the job done—and without excessive oversight or input from her.
And while she will tell you that this is enough. I’m going to tell you that its not. Don’t get me wrong, she will be grateful. There will probably even be happy tears. But, just because we are undoing the way something was, shifting from injustice to justice, doesn’t make it a gift. Have women been primarily responsible for keeping household routines, organizing schedules, maintaining order, and providing emotional support to children? Yes. But you deciding to pick up the slack and start treating her like a human isn’t really a gift. It’s just you doing something spouses should’ve been doing all along. Bare minimum isn’t a gift.
good gift giving
In today’s world it is almost as if we have forgotten to give presents. Christmas, birthdays and celebrations have become commercial monstrosities. We like prescribed budgets and whatever takes the least possible effort. All of which lead to HORRIBLE gifts. And yes, I don’t know if you know this, but there is absolutely good and bad gift giving. Here are some examples of bad gift-giving:
Gifts out of obligation. Nothing says “I love you mom” like a bouquet of flowers she doesn’t even like.
Too practical gifts. Does your wife need new socks? Yes. But does she really want them as a gift? No. Only get practical gifts (like a toaster) if your wife LOVES cooking and desperately needs a new one.
Over-the-top gifts. Don’t lose sight of who the recipient is as a person or what she actually wants and needs. Would a new mother prefer a $300 handmade baby rattle or a $20 toy that her child will actually play with?
Gifts that are actually for you. Don’t. Just don’t.
Money. If you have to gift someone money, unless they are specifically asking for that, then don’t even bother buying a gift. Gifts are meant to be expressions
Real gift giving finds its joy in imagining the joy of the receiver. It means careful consideration, expending time, going out of one’s way, and thinking of the other as a subject. The best gift giving requires one to listen over time. Not just right before the occasion.
However, if it’s too late to listen, here are some questions to consider that will hopefully spur some creative ideas.
What does she get passionate about? What makes her sad? Excited? Angry
What are things she used to do when she was younger?
What makes your relationship awesome? Gift giving can totally honor— in subtle or obvious ways—the reasons you two are together.
Do they become more emotional over homemade gifts or store-bought ones?
Have they requested anything specific?
What message do you want to send them with this gift?
What are special stories or memories from childhood that she has mentioned?
Are there any annoyances she deals with that you can help remove with your gift?
If these questions don’t help, feel free to use my recommended gift list below to trigger some ideas.
Good luck and Happy Mother’s Day!
recommended gifts
The Disney Mom
This best-selling cookbook has over 14,000 reviews on Amazon and includes the park’s famous recipes for dole whip, Mickey pretzels, and so much more!
This stylish bag doubles as a cute tote AND a cooler, which makes it perfect for walking around Disney or trips to the beach.
This Hakuna Matata candle makes the perfect gift for all the Disney loving moms out there. With its 100% natural soy wax, cotton braided wick, and lavender essential oil blend, this candle burns brightly for 45 hours. That’s a lot of bubble baths. :)
The Active Mom
if you haven’t heard, fanny packs are back in! Only this time, they are called belt bag’s. This versatile belt bag allows your mom to keep their essentials close as they go about their day. It's made of 100 percent polyester that's water-repellent, so nothing will be damaged by rain. Moms can wear this over their shoulders or around their waist, and the adjustable clip makes it easy to create the perfect fit.
Alright, I’m gonna’ be real with you. These earbuds are a dream gift for any mom, not just sporty moms. Why? Because they comfortable, functional, and have active noise canceling technology and transparency. Which means, I can listen to my favorite music or podcast while cleaning instead of hearing the same episode of Cocomelon in the background.
High-waisted leggings are a must-have wardrobe essential for any busy mom. These leggings are a bestseller on Amazon and known for their soft, stretchy fabric and ultimate comfort with a wide waistband and tummy control.
The Fitbit Charge 5 is one of the top fitness tracking devices. Users love its comprehensive fitness tracking, sleep tracking as well as built-in GPS. Plus, she can receive calls and texts on it, making it easy to communicate even when she's on a run.
The Tired Mom
This pillow is the epitome of comfort and relief for moms who never seem to wake up well-rested. The soft, gel-infused memory foam cradles your head, neck, and shoulders to provide high-quality support, pressure relief, and temperature regulation.
Science shows that coloring helps people of all ages relax. This coloring book has high-quality printing and binding and the pages of this adult coloring book are certain to make mom’s who are in the thick of motherhood, laugh out loud.
She's going to be pleasantly surprised by how good she feels after using this set. The mat and pillow are designed to relieve back and neck pain right in her own home.
The Dog Mom
Talk about adorable! This totally customizable dog leash holder is not only the cutest way to keep track of a dog's leash, but can double as a key holder — ensuring the dog mom in your life never loses or forgets her keys again.
Give extra meaning to that day job with this mug reminder that it's all worth it to give Fluffy a better life. Buyers praise the quick delivery, so it's a great last-minute gift if needed.
If they love puns as much as their dog, they'll adore this matching set. It comes with a T-shirt for the person and a bandana for their furry pal.
The Mom Boss
Page after page of this coffee table book is filled with inspiration from over 100 female entrepreneurs, artists, and creatives.
Getting in a workout during the day can be difficult, so making sure she has time to get in exercise at work can make all the difference. Plus, it’s quiet, so no one will ever know what’s going on!
the Mom who is Healing
Help a mom discover how much there is to love about herself by gifting her this practical workbook for women of all ages. She’ll embark on a journey of self-discovery by learning what self-love is and then immersing herself in exercises to help her build her self-esteem and improve all her relationships.
Complete with tons of guided meditations, relaxing yoga practices, and wind-down aids like sleep sounds, Headspace is an app that’s all about self-care. Gift Mom a one-year membership to help her prioritize herself.
More than a million people go to Morgan Harper Nichols' Instagram page for comfort, reassurance and inspiration. Now, your mom can find encouragement to be — just as she is — with this collection of illustrated poetry and prose.
Let's be honest: Stress relief and self-care can often be more stressful than anything else if you don't know where to start or what to do. For the person who needs a little help getting a routine going, these cards will do the thinking for them. This 52-card deck contains prompts for meditation, mindfulness, anxiety relief and more. It's an easy and affordable way to help her stay grounded and manage overwhelming emotions.
The Mom who Bakes
Show her how much you love her cooking with this personalized custom cutting board. It can be engraved with her signature recipe to preserve it for generations to come.
A Dutch oven is a must-have for any mom who loves to cook. She can use it to prepare virtually any meal, so if she doesn’t already own this kitchen essential, it's the perfect time to get her one. This version has a generous 4-quart size and a glass lid so Mom can keep an eye on what's cooking.
Surprise mom with this bamboo charcuterie board. Perfect for displaying her culinary masterpieces and the ultimate showstopper for get togethers big or small. This stylish board features a hidden drawer, four utensils, two chalks, 3 food-grade slate labels, and a corkscrew wine opener.
The plant mom
I love nature. It awakens my soul more than even the best iced coffee. Anytime I can bring nature indoors it makes all the things I must do so much easier. Every year on my birthday, my dad sends me a bouquet of flowers from The Bouq’s Co., so I can personally attest to the quality and uniqueness of these fresh florals. And they last for weeks!
Right now you can get 9% back on purchases from The Bouq’s Co. for Mother’s Day. So get get your mom, your partner, or other motherly figures in your life a plant or bouquet from this one-of-a-kind flower shop!
These modern indoor planters are the perfect gift for the mom who loves plants but doesn’t need another thing to take care of. These planters will at least check “keep the plants alive” off her list by holding water in the basin and watering the plant when it needs it.
For the plant mom or mom who just loves plants, consider this beautiful wood and glass pant terrarium. It can be used to house floral arrangements, faux flowers, house plants and more.
The mom who loves pictures
This digital photo frame is so cool! You can send new photos directly to your moms mantle, no matter how far away she lives, right from your phone! This particular photo frame works seamlessly with both Android and iOS through a proprietary app. Simply upload your images to the app and they will show up in the frame.
Did you know that I don’t charge more money for extended family sessions than any other session? It really is the best deal. That’s also why many of my clients choose to give their own mom’s gift certificates for Mother’s Day. We can get photos of her and her partner, them and the grandkids, the OG’s (the original family members), each individual family unit, an amazing cousin shot, anddddd pretty much any other combination you can dream of! Best of all, you can send it digitally, or I can send you a real paper gift certificate. :)
the sentimental mom
You'll pick how many family members (including the pets!) you want to feature, along with the hair colors, skin tones and clothing. You can then put any quote or text on top.
the new mom
All moms appreciate a good cup of coffee. Make sure that she never has to settle for a lukewarm brew by gifting her this app-controlled mug, which she can set to her ideal drinking temperature.
If Mom doesn't have time to squeeze in a full eight hours of sleep, she'll never look tired with these fast-acting eye masks. Loaded with caffeine and hydrolyzed collagen, these patches will give her a well-rested look while fighting puffiness and dryness.
New moms are sleep deprived and when we are sleep deprived our memory suffers which makes losing things, like our keys and wallet, super easy. Help the moms in your life save some time and energy with the Tile Mate, a Bluetooth tracker for your keys, wallet, or other frequently forgotten items. She can simply ping her keys from her phone to find missing things in an instant. Phone lost too? No worries, she can alos pink her phone from her keys or wallet.
For new moms, long, luxurious bubble baths are a thing of the past. But, these essential oil shower bombs are a way to make even the quickest shower a relaxing aromatherapy experience. She simply places the tablet on the floor of the shower floor away from the heavy stream and let the relaxation begin.
the tech savvy mom
Help Mom maximize her precious time with an Apple Watch. This model (series 8) can track her workouts, make calls, send text messages, emails, scroll social media, listen to music, navigate directions, track her temperature and even call emergency services if a car crash is detected.
This bamboo charging station is the perfect way to organize all your devices while charging them at the same time. The magnetic base ensures that the charging station assembles easily and the wide compartment allows you to hide a cables, power strips, and USB hubs.
the mom who needs coffee
Does your mom sip iced coffee all year round even during frigid temperatures? When it comes to coffee and Mom prefers it cold, this is one of the best gifts to consider. It’s user-friendly and will make some of the tastiest coffee (or tea) she’s ever sipped.
This coffee club subscription is the BEST of the best. Each box includes a curation of the world’s best coffees, a postcard from a new country each month, tasting notes, brewing tips and more. Unlike coffee you’ll find on the shelf, this coffee is roasted to order, which means they ship it to you right after they roast it.
the mom who loves true crime
Six murders. One hundred pages. Millions of possible combinations… but only one is correct. Can you solve Torquemada’s murder mystery? In 1934, the Observer’s cryptic crossword compiler, Edward Powys Mathers (aka Torquemada), released a novel that was simultaneously a murder mystery and the most fiendishly difficult literary puzzle ever written.
The pages have been printed in an entirely haphazard order, but it is possible – through logic and intelligent reading – to sort the pages into the only correct order, revealing six murder victims and their respective murderers.
Only three puzzlers have ever solved the mystery of Cain’s Jawbone: does the “true-crime” mom in your life have what it takes to join their ranks?
Unscramble anagrams, decode cryptograms, compare DNA sequences, and test your memory with crime seen photos and true crime accounts related to historic cold cases. 192 pages of thrill for the true-crime loving mom in your life.
This immersive game that works for 1-6 players is perfect for true crime fans. Use evidence and clues to help you crack the unsolved murder mystery.
the curious mom
If Mom’s always talking about wanting to broaden her horizons, we've got just the thing: a monthly (or annual) subscription MasterClass where she can learn new things on demand—and at her own pace. The online platform (which also has an app for a smart TV) hosts hundreds of classes from notable professionals across industries, whether it’s film, cooking, or art and design—and she can put her new skills to the test with the exercises offered in the wrap-up afterward.
the adventurous mom
Whether its a solo trip or one with a partner or spouse… this book will help adventurous moms dream up their perfect vacation, and then get all the tips and tricks to actually make it happen.
This keepsake travel journal is an amazing way to capture and organize all your memories and experiences. It includes space to attach photos and notes as well as a back pocket for extra pics.
This adorable, faux leather bag is perfect for a weekend away and for all adventurous mamas.
the comfort-loving mom
Consider this soft weighted blanket a return favor for all those times mom wrapped you in a big, comforting hug. It has square-shaped quilting that keeps the medical-grade glass beads evenly distributed, and the blanket (available in a variety of shades and sizes) is made of a bamboo-derived material, making it silky and cool to the touch.
These furry slippers were MADE for leisure time at home. The high-density terry cloth foam makes it feel like there are ergonomic pillows under your feet with each and every step.
This soft and silky sleepwear set for women is a good way for all moms to look and feel their best. It’s lightweight and made of satin, offering the comfort every woman deserves.
the artsy mom
Crafty moms will love diamond painting, a new hobby that’s half puzzle, half color-by-number. Each kit comes with teeny-tiny gems that she’ll place onto the canvas to create this gorgeous picture (which can 100 percent be hung on the wall when it’s complete).
This stress-relieving activity is great for Mom after the kids go to bed to help them calm down after a long day. This embroidery kit is for beginners and includes everything they will need to create a pretty plant scene.
Sometimes a journal with white, empty pages can be daunting. This journal gives ideas like poking holes in pages and gluing pieces of colored paper onto pages so Mom can let out some stress and tap into her creativity.
The mom who’s organized
If the mother-figure in your life is organized and loves jewelry she will love this velvet jewelry organizer that makes traveling with multiple pairs of earrings, rings, necklaces, and bracelets a breeze.
Trust me when I say that it is the little unorganized spaces that stress us out the most. Thanks organizers like this one make, our drawers can be clean and neat, and so can our minds.