The One Word New Moms Must Know

Dear New Mama,

It's okay if you feel lost. Its okay if you feel like you don't recognize yourself anymore. To look in the mirror and feel like you don't know who you are.

It's called Matrescence. Matrescence as a developmental passage that leads a woman into motherhood the way adolescence leads a child into adulthood. Its the word scientists use to describe the bio-psycho-social-spiritual domains of that journey.

And man, I wish I knew about this when I had my first.

Everyone warns you that when you have a baby... everything changes. Your day to day life, your body, your values, your mindset, your relationship with your partner, your beliefs about the world around you, the way you walk into the future, and the way you view your past.

But something even bigger happens... there's a shift in your own identity.

Just like teenagers experience in adolescence, matrescence leads us to feel some pretty confusing things. All the physical and hormonal changes lead to some pretty profound changes in how we feel emotionally, how we think, and how we fit into the world. Things like ambivalence, guilt, shame, and discomfort.

Like how you are SO CRAZY IN LOVE with this beautiful baby and yet long for those days when you didn't have to worry about anyone but yourself. Or how you can spend your entire day attuned and connected to your child and still feel a lingering sense of guilt and shame at night when you're trying to go to sleep.

We feel this constant "push and pull." We want to care, protect, and nurture our baby. We want to hold them and never let go (pull). And yet, we are still a separate individual who has their own physical and emotional needs (push).

I'm here to tell you that your feelings make sense. ❤️

Matrescence is the process of mother-becoming. It starts before birth, it repeats with every baby and some say it may be life-lasting. So, it’s not just about the fourth trimester, the first year, or event the first 1000 days… this is about your ✨new life.✨

As in, the old you that existed before this child is long gone. Which is why most women describe their transition into motherhood as both celebration and grief.

For me, learning about Matrescence was an "Aha!" moment. It forever changed the way I saw myself and my experience of Motherhood.

❤️ It helped me understand myself better and see myself with more kindness and compassion.

💛 It enabled me to see Motherhood as an opportunity to grow and evolve.

💚 It empowered me by helping me focus on what’s really important, letting go of some control and accepting what is normal and part of the process.

I hope it does the same for you. I hope it gives you a word. A word that makes you feel seen and validates your experiences as a mother. I hope it helps you reframe your expectations and let go of all those feelings of inadequacy and guilt just because you don't love every single moment that motherhood brings.

Yes, this season can feel scary and overwhelming. But, it's also a chance to rediscover yourself. Because we know now that your baby isn't the only one who experienced birth recently... you did too.

So, take some time to say goodbye to who you were so that you can welcome this new you with radical acceptance and compassion. This season is an opportunity to reconnect with your purpose, get out of auto-pilot, and start living with more intention.

Spend time with yourself. Journal. Focus on being instead of doing. Find moments of stillness where you can be present and feel your feelings, understand whats going on inside you, and connect with your intuition. MOTHER YOURSELF.

This transformation you are going through is your most important work right now. Tune into yourself. For you, mama, hold a special creative power that doesn't just enable you to create life within you but to also create the life you dream of around you.