Our 2021 family intention

Sometimes I like goals, and sometimes I don’t. The reason I don’t always love goals is because it’s often directed at changing a part of ourselves that we think is flawed. Or, we become so obsessed with it that we actually miss so many life lessons around us because we are determined that this one thing is the answer to feeling like we succeeded.

So instead of setting goals for 2021, my family and I are setting intentions. Things that we want to cultivate more of ON PURPOSE. And as I began thinking about the intention we chose, the world around us, the state of our country, of the world, of families everywhere, I discovered how in need of this intention we all really are.

mindfulness in adults

Mindfulness isn’t some guru practice for those who do yoga. Mindfulness is simply being aware. Aware of what is going on inside your body (internally) and what is going on around you (externally) so you can respond appropriately and feel a general calmness.

For example, today, I was trying to hang up some super cute boho plant hangers that I got for Christmas and needed my husband’s help. He was helping my daughter do number bonds but stopped to assist me. Naturally, like all married couples attempting any type of house changes, we were disagreeing on which direction the plant hanger needed to go for it to be even.

My heart rate was increasing, I began to feel hot and I could feel myself getting frustrated and overwhelmed. If you’re a mom, or a human, you know that a lot of times these things come before an outburst of anger. However, instead of only being mindful of what was going on inside of me. I also looked at what was going on externally.

My youngest to kids were running around like a bunch of crazies. My oldest daughter, doing the number bonds, was tapping her feet on the hard wood floor (I hate repetitive noises) and lastly, the little number bond electron flash card game she was practicing on had the most annoying beeps and noises to accompany it. It is a timed number bond activity so naturally it has anxiety inducing sounds to go along with it. (sidenote: WHY!)

So, instead of yelling, I turned off the sound on her game and politely asked her to stop tapping her foot. “Mommy’s brain doesn’t like that noise,” I said.

Then, all was calm.

Until it wasn’t.

mindfulness in children

After the plant hanger was hung and I was headed upstairs to work, my husband told my oldest daughter it was time to do her online school. She lost it. She yelled at him and cried so hysterically you would have thought her favorite toy got ran over my a car in front of her.

I know that’s dramatic but I have to find a way to convey her over-the-top level of crying to such a simple request.

My husband sent her to her room to calm down because he was feeling anxious as well. Any other parents understand this? Being locked up with your kids for a year is no joke, huh?

Anyway, the hysterical crying never got better. It turned into the hyperventilating type of crying where you can’t catch your breath. So, I went up to her room and crawled in her bed.

As I held her in my arms I told my 8 year old that as we get older: 8, 9, 10, we start to have really big feelings. It’s because these things called hormones start living inside our bodies. Because of hormones, when someone says something that should only make us a little bit sad or a little bit frustrated, we feel REALLY sad and REALLY frustrated. I told her that her feelings are okay and they are normal.

“Why do I get in trouble then?” she asked.

“Well, you aren’t in trouble.” I responded.

I told her that we sent her to her room because even though her feelings are okay. Her screaming at her dad or being hateful to her sisters is not allowed. Even if we have big feelings, we still have to learn how to have self-control or…. mindfulness.

I explained to her what mindfulness is: paying attention to what’s going on internally and externally. And how if we learn to practice mindfulness, we can then learn self-control and how to be calm.

I then had her reflect on that scenario with me.

“How were you feeling when Daddy was doing the number bonds with you?” I asked.

“Okay,” she said.

“And how were you feeling when Daddy walked away?”

“Sad. I feel like I’m not smart enough to do it so I don’t want to try,” she said.

She paused for a moment before continuing, “and then my heart beats fast, and I feel like I want to cry.”

I let the silence fill the room.

“Now, what was going on outside your body during all of that?” I asked.

“You and daddy were getting frustrated at each other and my sisters were running around having fun and getting to play with toys and I didn’t get to. All I got to do was wake up and eat cereal and then do number bonds.”

“Wow!” I said. “How mindful of you!”

She smiled.

Now that we were mindful of what was going on inside of you and outside of you to make you feel that way. What could we have done to solve that problem. We began to brainstorm solutions together.

the world needs mindfulness

Wow. We walked back downstairs and repeated the whole thing for my husband and then he gave us what the scenario looked like from HIS mindful point of view. And that’s when it hit me… The world needs mindfulness…

With the attacks on the Capitol building yesterday, I think we could all agree that the world is needs mindfulness. Because mindfulness cultivates compassion and calm and enables one to think critically and behave with self-control. In fact, I don’t know any community of people in the world who COULDN’T benefit from more mindfulness: mothers, college students, kids, government officials, dads, the elderly, single people literally everyone could benefit.

So why don’t we?

myth #1: too much time

People who bring up this question are those who are addicted to speed and productivity. Which is most of us who reside in the West.

But mindfulness doesn’t have to take up a ton of time. Even small commitments to practice mindfulness can make a positive change in your life, just like the one above. But you need to remember, mindfulness isn’t just relaxation.

In one study, researches trained a group of HR professionals. Half of them had mindfulness training and the other half had relaxation training. Then, over 8 weeks they were tested on how they handled complex multitasking. Here are the results:

Participants who received mindfulness training remained more on task, with less task-switching, and reported better moods, than those who underwent relaxation training or were on a wait-list to receive training. This suggests that mindfulness helps us focus more efficiently on a task. Source.

Mindfulness doesn’t just improve your innovation and focus. According to another study it increases the ability to solve insight-related problems (source). And another study revealed that Mindfulness training didn’t just help you to do your job, but helped you to do it better (source)!

So, what I’m hearing is mindfulness helps me not just be a better mom, but be better at working. Which, when we are working from home WITH kids… I mean, this sounds like a win!

myth #2: mindfulness isn’t for christians

The concept of “mindfulness” may be rooted in the buddhist practice of meditation, it would be a mistake to think that mindfulness is only a buddhist discipline. There’s strong support within the Judeo-Christian tradition and the pages of Scripture for the practice of meditation in general.

• Paul tells Christians that they’re called to be mindful and live with an awareness of the present (Phil. 2:1-5).

• Prayer is one way to practice mindfulness (1 Thess. 5:17)

• Studying God’s Word is another mindfulness practice (Psalm 48:9; Psalm 63:6)

• The idea of taking every thought captive (2 Cor. 10:5)

• The Christian practice of being transformed by the renewing of our minds (Rom. 12:2) and practicing thoughts that Honor God (Phil. 4:9).

• The gift of discernment requires mindfulness (1 Cor. 12)

• As well as the practices of self-control (Gal. 5:22-23)

myth #3: escape

Some people think that mindfulness is someones way of escaping the worlds problems. This is not the case. In fact, mindfulness is the BEST way to engage with the worlds problems as it makes you more in tune with what is actually happening not just in the behavior of others but the minds of others as well. Not to mention it helps the person who is actually experiencing the suffering. Most people when experiencing suffering or stress will react with strong emotions and actions; like storming the Capitol building. But mindfulness helps us seek to understand before reacting.

conclusion

You don’t need an app to practice mindfulness. All you have to do slow down and use your the brain God gave you. As you go about your day today, you can practice mindfulness. Be non-judge-mentally aware of what is going on inside and outside of you.