Why You Should Write Your Own Wedding Vows

I’m gonna’ go ahead and announce my hypocrisy right up front. I did not write my own wedding vows, but, I’ll also tell you that I regret it. Wedding vows aren’t just some arbitrary practice. Your vows are an intimate and special last way to connect with the person you love before you officially become married. And I don’t really believe your wedding vows are a list of promises, either. Your vows are a reflection of your relationship with one another and everything that led you up to this point both individually and together. And as someone who has photographed weddings for 8 years now, I find it highly indicative of a relationship. Those couples who write their own vows, those couples are GOLD. Read on to figure out why.

Reflection

It takes a certain level of depth and self-awareness to write vows. It requires you to know yourself and to know that person and why you two are better together than apart. But many times, people don’t get married because they believe that. They get married because they think it’s a solution to a problem, they’re afraid to end up alone, external pressure, they want to have a baby, or (for some religious folks) they want to have sex. The problem is… none of those are really good enough reasons to get married and is probably why the divorce rate is what it is.

Writing your own vows, though, it requires you to reflect and remember why you are doing this in the first place. Not only is that good for checking your motivations for marriage, but it will also help your marriage down the road. All relationships, whether platonic or romantic, hit rough patches, and often time married people will undoubtedly go through seasons where they question everything. But in those moments, you’ll be able to remember why it was you chose each other and make the best decision on how to move forward with your relationship.

Unique

What brought you and your person together is not the same thing that brought someone else to their partner. Couples are full of diversity in lots of ways, but in relation to your vows, two elements shine through: your personalities and your stories.

Your vows to one another should incorporate each of your individual personalities. Let go of all expectations for yourself. And definitely don’t worry about your guests. Focus on your partner and share meaningful words with them as if they are the only person there. Don’t write from anywhere that doesn’t stem from who you are, let that personality shine through, that is the person they fell in love with after all.

But also include elements of your story in your vows! There are 3 different stories at play when it comes to a relationship. Each person has their own individual story full of ups and downs and the story of their time together. Consider all of them and sprinkle trigger words throughout the vows that will cause your partner to remember different parts of your stories that are special.

Emotional Connection

I still remember the wedding that had the most penetrating vows I’ve ever heard. They were full of laughter, honesty, and literally ALL the emotions. They were honest and raw. It may not feel fun at the moment, and if you want to write your vows but aren’t sure how, check out THIS BLOG POST. But, in that moment when you walk down the aisle, look into their eyes, and say those vows in that dress, you will be more emotional than you ever have been before. And thats a good thing. So many times wedding days can feel like a show. Moving from one thing to the next, making sure everything goes according to plan. But this moment where you exchange vows, this is the moment that matters the most, it helps you to re-center, to breathe, to experience a really deep, personal connection that will sear that moment into your mind forever.

Feeling Scared?

If you are hesitant to write your own vows because you’re shy, or maybe vulnerability is as difficult for you as it is for me, there’s still a way to experience all that beauty I talked about above. A few years ago I had a couple who wrote down their vows written as a letter to one another. During their bride and groom portraits, they read them to one another with absolutely no witnesses present but me and my camera. I keep my distance. I don’t even hear your words… I’m just there to capture the emotions (if you want, or I can even hide).

Don’t rob yourself of such a special moment because of fear… trust me! :)