When it comes to love... are you speaking the right language?
When it comes to love…
are you speaking the right language?
Does your spouse ever complain that they aren’t getting enough attention despite all the things you’ve done for them lately? Does forgetting to get your spouse a gift for their birthday, Valentine’s day, or Christmas cause a huge rift in your relationship? Have you ever wondered why your spouse doesn’t seem to care about your sweet, well-thought-out text messages?
It might be because your speaking the wrong language… love language that is.
Yep! Turns out there is a right and wrong way to communicate your love for one another and it all depends on the other person.
The right & wrong way to love
Dr. Gary Chapman was a marriage counselor for 20 years before writing his bestselling book “The 5 Love Languages”. In this book he teaches that there are basically five emotional love languages that people speak and understand emotion in all relationships.
Depending on our individual personality types, we may feel loved differently than how our partners do. Understanding and decoding these different ways of showing love will help take the guesswork out of your partner’s expectations and needs.
The five love languages are:
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
words of affirmation
Verbal compliments or words of appreciation is this persons communication of love. Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise, or appreciation. Hearing the words "I love you," are important, but hearing the reasons behind it is even more heart felt.
quality time
Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. I don't mean sitting on the couch watching TV... I mean sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking, and giving each other your undivided attention. Quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities. You should feel cherished by your partners love language. They would do anything to just exist near you. Not spending time with your partner can kill your relationship as well as, not listening to their needs. Everyone goes through periods where life gets busy, but without this every day maintenance, there is no sustenance for your partner to survive on.
receiving gifts
This means the person thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for. A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say "look he was thinking of me." It doesn't matter if it costs money. What is important is that you thought of him or her.
acts of service
Acts of service is doing something for your spouse that you know they would like for you to do.. it could be cooking a meal, washing dishes, taking out the garbage, mowing the lawn, changing the babies diaper, or doing something for them by relieving pressure off of them when needed. The person who's love language is acts of service would like to hear "let me do that for you", or "I can take care of that".
physical touch
Holding hands, kissing, embracing, back rubs, or an arm around the shoulder are all ways of expressing love by physical touch. Physical touch can make or break a marital relationship because nothing communicates love like physical touch. For example: Kiss when you get in the car, or give a hug before you go shopping.
Once I understood my husbands love language and he understood mine, we were able to be more intentional in how we showed one another our love and appreciation. I encourage both you and your spouse to take this FREE short online quiz! Not married? They have a singles one and a kids one! Seriously, this test is amazing!