What To Do When You Fail as a Mom...

7 days from now we will be heading home for thanksgiving… we get to see our family that we haven’t seen in MONTHS! I get to hold my nieces and nephews. I get to watch as my kids play with their cousins. I get to eat good food and have good conversations.

But you wanna know what’s also gonna’ happen?

Melt-downs.

Lots of them. I have an almost 2 year old, an emotional 4 year old and an anxiety-ridden 6 year old. So melt-downs are going to happen and it’s going to be awful.

Sleepless Nights.

As much as we would love it if our kids would stay on their exact routine while we travel… that is NEVER the case. I’m prepared for short naps and more difficult bedtimes.

Stress.

Yeah… as much as I would like to say that these types of vacations are stress-free, full of sleeping in and laughter and good conversations. Typically they are full of stress. Partially due to the last two scenarios and partially because of this…

I’m going to fail.

When my child has a melt-down on the floor and her seemingly perfect cousins are angelically sharing their toys and using their manners. I will feel impatient and I will probably yell at my child. I might get frustrated and send her to time-out one to many times. I might allow this instance to make me bitter and keep me from having a good day the rest of the day. I might hand my sleepless one-year-old off to my husband and go hide under the covers out of irritation because WHY CAN’T THEY SLEEP LIKE THEY DO AT HOME? I’m going to feel embarrassed that they aren’t on their best behavior in front of my judgey aunt.

But here’s the thing, mama!

Yeah, I just failed… but that doesn’t mean I have to quit.

That doesn’t mean that I have to let those feelings of guilt, defeat, and anxiety ruin the rest of my trip.

So this year I’m approaching our holiday travel differently… Every time I experience failure instead of letting fatigue and frustration overcome me and ruin any chance at happiness I’m going to KICK THOSE FEELINGS TO THE FREAKING CURB!

Here’s my game plan for when those failure’s do happen:

1.) Mindset.

If we mentally tell ourselves before we even leave that these things are going to happen even more frequently than they do at home. That will make a world of difference. That way it doesn’t come like such a shock and we have a better chance of remaining the patient, calm, and loving mother’s we want to be. And while your reminding yourself of these things, remind your child that this trip is important to mommy and you want everyone to have fun which means that them being on their best behavior would be super helpful. Even run through different scenarios that are likely to happen that will make your child have a meltdown.

2.) Acknowledge that this is hard.

Take a second and catch a deep breath. Traveling with kids is hard. It just is. Nobody understand’s the pressure mom’s feel of planning and packing for all the people. Combine that with the entertaining, disciplining, and keeping track of everyone’s schedules with the added anxiety you get from relatives watching your every move. Acknowledge that what we’re doing is hard and find comfort in the fact that we are not the only one who feels this way.

3.) Remind yourself what’s important.

These circumstances are temporary. It won’t be thanksgiving forever. Your child won’t scream on the floor in a rage forever. What’s important in these moments of failure is to give ourselves and our child some grace. Screw that judgey aunt of yours and focus on what’s best for your family. The fact of the matter is… she hasn’t had kids in 15 years so chances are… she totally forgot what having a kid this age is like. I know it’s easier said than done but DON’T WORRY ABOUT THEM. Focus on maintaining the relationship with your child that you want to be remembered for. And if that moment is already gone and you already lost your cool then again… remember that it’s important to not let this moment determine the rest of the trip!

4.) Apologize and move on.

Whether you are apologizing to your kid for not keeping your cool or you are apologizing to your relatives for the behavior of your child. Apologies go along way in preventing bitterness and judgment from take root.

5.) Be Honest & Let it out

Let it all out into the light. Be honest with everyone involved. Explain to your child that “mommy lost her cool because of ____________.” And explain to your relatives that motherhood is really hard… way harder than you thought it would be. And while your child has been on their best behavior at home, you’re not sure what’s going on now.

Not only will this help you feel better than keeping it all bottled up inside but people are much more likely to be empathetic and helpful when they’ve heard your heart on the matter.

6.) Ask for Help.

Enlist your hubby, your mom, your sister, your dad… anyone for help. If you don’t trust them to handle your toddler’s tantrum properly, that’s okay, enlist them to do something else like hold the baby, or bake the food. No, they may not do things the exact way you would but it boils down to this… would you rather damage your relationship with your child or would you rather the mashed potatoes be the perfect level of thickness.

7.) Create a plan of action

If you know that sleepless nights and meltdowns are a part of your future. Sit down and create a plan of action. Maybe you and your husband take turns caring for the baby at night. Maybe you have a step 1, 2, 3 approach for when your kid misbehaves. Maybe its a code word between you and your tween when you can tell their anxiety is getting to be too much or they’re on the verge of a breakdown. Communicate this plan with your husband or other support person before hand so everyone can be on the same page.

Never Forget…

Sometimes you will totally KILL IT! Other days you will experience embarrassing crash-and-burns... and probably in public, too!

But each and every time you have a choice... to lay there defeated and quit, half-heartedly attempt motherhood OR you can NOT let that failure define you! You can get back up and keep going!

Mama, never forget that your identity isn't defined by your failure OR EVEN BY YOUR SUCCESS!

So when you fail, take a deep breath, admit it, courage to keep going... to keep living the life you were called to life that counts.